The Locke Report: April Edition

The Front Page: The Death of democracy

At least in America. Yep, Dem is on life support.I was thinking of writing an expansive in-depth essay to support my premise. Then I thought of a way to get straight to the point. Hillary Clinton Vs. Donald Trump. Think of that matchup for a minute. I’ll wait. Waiting… Ah, I see by that dour look on your face the reality has set in. How did that happen? One a person very familiar with Bankrupt court and the other the central target of an FBI criminal investigation.

The strongest argument for Hilliam presidency, one that is being put forward with conviction, is she’s better than the alternative. Take another minute. The best attribute Hilliam has is she is not The Donald. On the face of it that is correct. It is her biggest strength. There is nothing of any substance Hill has accomplished over the past twenty something years. Put a lot of black dudes behind bars I guess. Royally fucked up Libya. Not much to the good however.

Lets dig deeper shall we. Having Bill back in the White House is a huge plus worth investigating though. Clinton Inc. not only will have 24/7 access to the cookie jar, it will own the cookie jar. Oh, sure, be my guest, another minute to digest certainly. There is one big juicy financial scandal just waiting to explode. And Bill, a stickmaster with the best of them, will have his hand in another jar. Let’s face it, Monica was a bit of an embarrassment. A somewhat lumpy intern. No, I promise, Bill will be on his game. A dark curvy Indonesian United Nations attache? Word on the street (wouldn’t you like to know which one! Sorry, the Locke Report keeps it’s sources close to the hip) has it that Bill digs the Eastern Euro look.  That’s why he spends so much time in Canada. Its an absolute candy store in Vancouver nowadays.

So, if the thought of Hilliam and her tantrums ravaging the Oval Office, let alone the rampant corruption that will come with it, has you down, the idea of Bill having run of the house has to give you at least a bit of solace. Should be fun. You know Bill is up for it too. Only one problem. The Donald can kick her arse. She may be a tough leathery old broad, but she sucks at politics.

The heart is beating, there is Bernie, you say. I know. And that is a sense comfort. But remember, Bernie wants to smash the cookie jar! Hell, that alone has the Koch Brothers jumping into bed with that leathery old broad. No, I am afraid it is time to call a priest. Let us simply enjoy the Clinton Follies.

Tinseltown:

Congrats to Leo DiCaprio! Leo took home the hardware at February’s Academy Awards. Great actor. Dying to see Revenant. His work in the Aviator was top shelf. The Departed (I wrote that in my Boston accent so please read it as such) rocked. I am a Leo fan. I was rooting for fellow Bostonian Matt Damon but whatever. In any case, he is Jason Bourne so nobody’s got it better than Matt.

One bone to pick with Leo. Apparently he went all global warming and save the planet during his acceptance speech. First of all, get over yourself. Second, while your facts may well be accurate, perhaps you are not the dude who should be spreading the message. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts his after Oscar parties probably used enough wattage to keep my small riverside village in perpetual light for the rest of the decade. Finally, Leo, bang your starlets and supermodels, enjoy your growing stickman status, continue to turn out awesome flicks, and shut up.

George Clooney and Hilliam got together for dinner the other night. I could have gone too. The 350,000 check was a bit steep for me though. Yeah, things are going good but its best to fly under the radar. In any case, the timing was all off. Especially seeing as I couldn’t pick the joint. Look, I get it. Cash is King in American politics these days. If you want a shard of light to peek through that door green gold is the way. And I really dig Clooney as well! Seems like a good guy along with Leo. But, also, like Leo, shut up. After the meal, and a touch of heartburn, he shrugged his shoulders, flashed his toothy smile, and said: “Hey, I get it! I agree. There is too much money in politics.”

Oh well. No matter. I am still rooting for another Ocean’s movie. And why not? How many dudes wearing Halloween costumes do we need to see?

And maybe there is the death of democracy. We have an infantile adult class still fixated with adolescence they give scant attention to the fact that the country is crumbling around them.

 

The Sports Page:

Spring has sprung! Yep, baseball is here again! 2016 is shaping up as a, perhaps, historic season. Why? A couple of reasons actually. First, the crop of young stars is the best in a generation. Led by Mike Trout and Bryce Harper, this group of young phenoms provides a reason to turn on your TV and open up a box of Crackerjacks on a nightly basis. Second, the Red Sox are trending up and the Yanks down! Ok, that last bit isn’t historic but should put at least brief grin on a nation beset with Clinton and Trump. ‘Where have you gone Joe Dimaggio, …‘ By the way, Joe D would vote for Bernie! Again, I have my sources.

‘Lets All Raise A Glass,‘ to the Golden State Warriors. 73-9! Spectacular is an understatement. Best non-Celtic team ever? We’ll see. Steph Curry is injured however so no popping corks yet.

Celluloid Heroes:

I hope everybody enjoyed last week’s interview with the King of the Mekong Delta Blues, Christopher Minko. Here again are the links. It can be purchased here: https://www.amazon.com/Mekong-Delta-Blues-Krom/dp/B01CKIPSPQ/ref=sr_1_2?s=dmusic&ie=UTF8&qid=1460977800&sr=1-2-mp3-albums-bar-strip-0&keywords=Krom

Rumor has it a super concert is being planned including the Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Led Zeppelin, The Who, & Neil Young. Count me as unimpressed. First of all, these guys are old. Like 70 pushing 80 old. Home nursing old. Depends old. If Paul loses track of his bass, LSD won’t be to blame.

It is what it is, I suppose. A payday.

There it is. All I got! I’ll try to be better next time.